Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Throne Of Fire - Sabrina Siani Slashes

The Throne of Fire is one of my favorite ULTRA cheap Italian barbarian films, this time released by the always reliable Cannon Films!  Starring Peter McCoy (Pietro Torrisi), Harrison Muller Jr. and the beautiful Sabrina Siani, it has bikinis, head bashing, a fast pace and one of the best goopy jelly child creatures ever presented in Eurotrash Barbarism.  
After a prophecy is established and the evil Belial impregnates an old woman with his glob beast boy we are introduced to the evil Morak. Now, both Belial and Morak are played by Harrison Muller Jr, so any film with double Muller is double good already!  Regardless if he is a post nuke warrior or Barbarian, the man does not change his facial hair.  Morak wants to sit on The Throne of Fire, which is literally a throne that burst in to flames if the prophecy parameters are not met. Morak likes to prove the point with his flunkies, flambeing them for the hell of it.  But we need the Princess, this time played by Sabrina Siani, so we meet Princess Valkari!  She can smack down foot soldiers (who wear motorcycle helmets???) but needs a little extra beef in her bikini to help out. Luckily Peter McCoy is lurking around as Siegfried.  He's big, he's tough and he is all for the side of good.  
Actually, he is on the side with the hot woman in the bikini...smart barbarian.  
Basically, they fight, they escape, they are captured, they escape and then we have a great meltdown as everything goes sideways for our man Morak.  Good fun.

"ma...maaaaaaa"
"Who ordered a barbaric pummeling?"
"Thanks Sabrina!!"

Throne of Fire is cheap cheap cheap...producer Ettore Spagnuolo did a number of films covered in the book Tough To Kill (plug from co-author!) and he is not really the kind of person to slather on production values.  But that doesn't matter, because it gives the film a really unique vibe. It could easily be a post nuke film with one or two background matte paintings added.  The effects are crude, but Paolo Ricci works a little bit of his magic when the goo needs to ooze across the screen.  Also, the film is "blessed" with one of the wonkiest heroic blooping and bleeping from the synthesizers of Paolo and Carlo Rustichelli I have heard.  I think someone misheard the words "rousing heroics" with "R2D2 spasming while attempting to project an image of Princess Valkari!" 
The performers are...limited.  I'm always glad to see the rather flat yet oddly compelling Muller Jr and anything, and I do mean anything, with Sabrina Siani is welcome in my media players!  She did not have a long career, but if you needed a girl in a bikini (or a lot less) to be in your jungle, action, barbarian film-she can't be beat. 
And well, if you see the name Franco Prosperi in your 80s Barbarians (and I'll be watching more soon), you can expect some sub Enzo Castellari slow motion and a lot of zooming in on axes hitting flesh. Not bad really, though I don't think anyone would complain about his habit of lingering on the carnage.  A fun film, perfect for a quick shot of B-Side Barbarian Bliss.  

Huh? Heavy Metal??

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